The influence of grief on the deceased

- 27 - I could receive and understand. Their purpose was to expand my knowledge about God, to strengthen my trust in him and to have a better understanding about his love than I had acquired up to then. I believe that the ability of spirits to disclose spiritual truths is far greater than the most able human pastor is capable of. Amongst those whose sermons I had heard – and they include a number of highly eminent clergymen - I found that none of them had given me the kind of help to understand God’s love remotely adequate. But with the help of spirits, particularly the last one that I mentioned, I was able to grasp to a certain degree what love is. I found out that: The way one can open a window of a room filled with thick, stifling smoke in order to gain relief and fill one’s lungs with the fresh air of the sky, somebody that envisions what God’s love is, can find spiritual refreshment by opening the windows of their soul, as it were, and to allow this love to enter.” 20. The deceased Husband feels the anguish of his Wife A sad and grieving Mrs. Z. rang me on the 19 th of May and on the 2 nd of June 1998, to inform me that her dear husband had recently passed away. She was devastated about her loss. I tried to console her during our conversations. In a letter she sent me on the 15 th of June she told me what had happened at her place after the death of her husband: “I would like to tell you what happened after we had our telephone conversation and after you had given me some of my strength back: My husband visited me. I now constantly wait for him. But he doesn’t come. Maybe he cannot come at this point in time. My dear husband died on the 20 th of March 1998. It was during the night between Thursday and Friday at 3:13 am. We were together the whole time. I slept in the hospital with him. No matter where we were, we were always really happy. The main thing was that we were together. Our whole life together was like this. On that night when he died, I also died with him. I think that what remains of me here is just a shell that does all the things that must be done mechanically. I don’t know how I got through the next day. I hardly slept and I cried incessantly. During the night of the following Monday to Tuesday, I woke up to my own voice. I screamed ‘Lothar, Lothar’ (the name of my husband). This terrified me so much that I became wide awake. I tried to lie down again in order to sleep. It was around 4:10am when I heard footsteps on our floor. They were heavy steps, like from an old man who walked slowly. My heart nearly stood still because I thought that it might be a burglar. But far from it! My beloved husband stood in front of my bed, but as a young man. He had such a sad face and the tears ran slowly down his cheeks as if somebody had turned a tap on. He didn’t move his mouth, but he talked to me just the same: ‘Darling, I am so sad and unhappy where I presently am, because you are so sad. Move over a little, because I want to lie next to you so that you can go to sleep’, he said and laid on top of me. Slowly dissolving in me he disappeared. I couldn’t believe it. I lifted the bedspread and searched for my husband, but he was no longer visible. All I could do was to cry the whole time and wail ‘oh my darling, oh my darling’. There was such a lot I wanted to talk with him about. I went back to sleep shortly after and I slept until 8:45 in the morning. My husband had turned 49 on the 18 th of March 1998 and then died of cancer shortly after. After having this experience, I bought the first book by Dr. Kübler-Ross and also your first book. In the meantime, I have read all your books and I would be very happy if I could participate at one of your seminars. My husband visited me for the second time two weeks later. I woke up because somebody embraced me from behind in my bed. I called out for help and I bit the figure’s elbow. But I couldn’t bite through. This is when I knew that it was my husband. He only remained for a short time. He caressed me and held me in his arms and he gave me warmth and security. It was wonderful. What was strange was that these were his ‘old’ arms and not when he was a young man. I didn’t see his face. Only when he said: ‘I have to go now’, did I see his neck and his back. It was my beloved husband the way he was during his last days. He didn’t say anything else. But I know that he is here. He only lives in another dimension. I will have to learn a lot more in order to understand all of this. I might then sense his presence better when he comes here.”