The more the doctor reflected on the death of the child, the more the details of his own severe illness, it had nearly cost him his life a few years ago, welled up in him. – During the course of a severe case of ornithosis (Parrot disease/psittacosis) he suffered two pulmonary infarctions within a timespan of just two days. During both occasions he had the feeling as if a spear was pushed right through his chest. He thought he was about to choke and his field of vision reduced itself in circles from outside to inside. The last thought he remembered before losing consciousness was: Well, this is what happens when you die… The common perception is that there is nothing as bitter as death and that there is nothing more terrible than dying. But where does this knowledge come from? – Schubert’s wanderer lament: “I must walk a road that nobody has ever returned from” irrefutably applies, but a lot of people all over the world had been able to catch a glimpse of YONDER in spite of this. And recent events had made him one of them. – After this unbearable pain and his initially increasing fear of death, he experienced, analogue to the near death cases within his own medical practice, the dissolution of his own sensations and also that of time and matter. He can no longer remember these days just how long he was emersed in this state of dissolution and deliverance. The theme of dying has a certain prehistory for him. It kind of started at a main dressing station of the International Red Cross in Kosovo, where he served as a young doctor. The man standing by the window remembers a severely injured man in a deep coma. When the team of doctors opened his abdomen, they were confronted with a chaotic scene. Only a few remnants of the intestines remained conserved, but at least the main artery was still intact. One decided to immediately close the abdomen in a makeshift fashion when a comment escaped the lips of the young doctor - something he immediately regretted – namely miracle do happen. So, they operated. - Within hours, the few remaining pieces of intestines were connected with one another and an artificial anus attached. The team was ready to give up numerous times. Anaesthetics were hardly used, on the contrary – only cardiovascular agents and blood transfusions. He life seemed to extinguish at times, but the return of noises from the heart could be heard over again. Something none of the team of doctors had believed possible happened. The wounded person regained consciousness the next day, even if only for a few moments at a time. Even though it would have certainly been possible for the one who had been called back to life, he didn’t say a word to his saviours for days. Whenever one of the medical staff approached his bed, he slowly turned his head to the other side and looked at the wall. He seemed to be in the grip of a severe disgruntlement. The guy next to the window remembered the first sentence he spoke word for word, because only days after did the rescued man ask: “Why did you do this?” It took a number of days until one found out what he meant and what he had experienced. The seriously injured was 28 years old and being the son of a farmer, he was expected to take over the family’s farm one day. Illnesses or mental conflicts had been alien concepts to him before he was wounded. He came from a completely healthy family and always held the opinion that nothing adverse could happen to him in this war so he went into every battle without fear. The shot to his abdomen hit him like a lightening out of the blue. He immediately realised that “everything inside had been shredded to pieces”. The pain was unbearable, but crying out was not an option for him. No field medic was available during the barrage of shots. He clearly registered how his strength began to wane and how his consciousness constricted. He had been completely aware that he was about to die. He said that he could also accurately remember that the moment he stopped recognising things, his pain disappeared abruptly. Everything felt like gliding or swimming away, an incredible feeling of release and deliverance.
RkJQdWJsaXNoZXIy MjI1MzY3