The all-important Why

54 Even though Carlos suffered severely towards the end and felt this terrible pain in his throat, he was able to notice every detail that happened around him. His mother cried uncontrolled, his father nervously paced up and down in the next room. His younger brother sat in a chair and looked at him in a depressed and sad state and the doctor Dr. Martinho sat at his bedside and held his hand feeling sad and helpless. Carlos wanted to talk but he couldn’t. He could no longer move his lips. But in his thoughts, he prayed the prayers his mother had taught him. This is what he wrote one year after. He felt so infinitely tired and he dearly wanted to sleep. But he didn’t dare, because he was afraid of not waking up again. He had actually had a bad experience: One year ago, he had seen his dear friend Osario lying cold, mute and lifeless under a heap of roses. And he had this extreme fear that this could also happen to him, namely that he would also die. If he had been able to speak, he would have implored Dr. Martinho to not let him die. He looked in vain for any sign of confidence in the faces of those present. All he saw was despair, fear and tears. And this is why his own fears increased. Until a tender sound and a little movement attracted his attention. As if appearing from a mist, his aunt Eunice stood next to his bed. He immediately recognised her, because he had often seen her photo. She was the sister of his mother. She had died when Carlos was still a small boy. Nobody there seemed to notice her, but Carlos was happy. She wore a beautiful dress with ribbons. She smiled very relaxed and talked to him in a friendly and encouraging way. This helped the young boy in his stress. The thought that she was dead or maybe even a ghost did go through his head. But she was so beautiful and joyful, that she could certainly not scare anybody. Carlos wrote in his letter that she was a real blessing to him at that moment. Aunt Eunice placed her hands on his head and he immediately felt better. He felt distracted from his painful throat and he could think more clearly again. Carlos wanted to ask his aunt something, but it didn’t work. He could not move his lips. But she could apparently read his thoughts and she said to him in a friendly way: